Old and gnarly not just plain but fugly July 20

hi,

don't know what's gotten into me. maybe the drop in estrogen already. maybe not sleeping last night worrying about 2 legged intruders.

whatever it is im getting a really slow get up and go today.

I did get up at 6, i took out garbage, i probably got back in bed for half an hour. i had breakfast at 8:30 and have no idea what i did in between besides the tidying up in the bedroom and checking the email.

took a shower.

tried to get dressed. couldn't decide what to wear because i don't know what to do with myself today. I really need to find a couple cleaning jobs. The other two seem to have fallen through.

I caught a glimpse of my self in the mirror, and im not looking pretty. just looking old, fat, frumpy even with the nice haircut and tan. Im having a hard time with this fucking close to 60 yrs old and its all over shit.

i sure hope i don't run into any of the old guys i used to know over 35 years ago.

i want to take a drive somewhere but maybe instead of spending my gas on driving around i better look for a job.....but not likely that anyone wants to hire someone in my present state of mind. Last week i was feeling pretty good.... i should have found something then..

cant shake this. feeling of uselessness and age and ugly.

I love Berry Creek for it's beauty but have to say i Like Sonora because there is so much to do there. So much community. Art. Intellect, Music.

Berry Creek is more isolated and has more places hidden deep away in the forest inhabited by reclusive old bachelors. And there are a few pockets of real oakie, backwoods, deliverance types

thanks for listening

hope you can keep cool