Sometimes I just rant October 12

On and on because I'm so upset there is no other way for me to deal with it. I have to put it all down, to try and express my anger, frustration, sadness to someone.

sometimes i am accused of ranting when I'm not. I usually don't talk much so when I have a lot to say on one subject it gets taken the wrong way.

sometimes im just so stressed, and I realize that there is no viable solution to the problem I just shut down and can't say or write about anything

Sometimes you just know, nobody wants to hear it.

Sometimes my activity is so boring , tedious, hum-drum I figure, why bother.

Im here in Connecticut now. at my own desk, in my own office. I'd say the temp. is pleasant. Its a cool 56. The air is still. I hear birds, chirping here in the branches of the pear tree just outside my window, and those who are scrambling about inside the aluminum siding. There is a piece of aluminum missing on the corner of the house, on each corner, and the birds have colonized the inside between the old wood clapboards and the aluminum.

The western sky is dark, it's going to rain today.

There is so much to do here. The house is in total disrepair, the yard an overgrown and tangled mess. I can't remember the last time I washed windows. The old wallpaper that was painted over 20 times in the living room has been partly scraped and peeled off. And there is too much stuff. Too much in the leaky attic, too much in every room up here in the second floor apartment where I sleep and keep my computer, too much in the basement and the garage. And I can't make decisions about it since I don't consider most of it my stuff. Whatever, right?

I have a few chores, everyday chores to tend to. And then I'm going to assist Joanie, my elderly friend who has broken her arm. Marie and Lucien are going to South Meriden so ill hitch a ride over with them and hopefully walk back. Tomorrow I'm going to try and drive the truck to Kate's. Keith said it will "probably make it" .

I've got the sunny border garden and the front bed pulled up now. I left the roses. a couple peonies. and there are a couple of "root systems" that i haven't been able to dig up but will tackle after the rain stops in a few days. it should make it easier to pull out. I started to prune the Oak Leaf Hydrangea pretty hard. I like working in the garden. I also started in the terraces in the back with the clippers, cutting down the old leaves of the different iris, crocosmia, peonies, hostas, phlox and lilies. I ran out of daylight before i could rake them up.

I'm looking forward to seeing the little girls tomorrow. And hope to see the little boys soon too. They're all beautiful kids. With great parents. They're smart and happy too.

Well, the sun is peeking through the leaves, I can see it brightly reflecting off of the face of the factory down the street. Perfect light now to get out with the camera. I'll have to branch out and learn to take " city" photos now.

Almost Fall here...........I wait daily to see if the leaves have turned and i think i actually see a fading of the green to yellow on a few of them.

love and miss you

sally

The demolition continues.

And its record breaking heat, smothering humid heat out there . But it's got to be done, and after all since I've been the one to plant most of that stuff, ( the birds also helped), I'm the one to take it out.

I admit the stuff I've pulled out will already fill the back of the pickup truck. And it looks better and what I am leaving, roses, hydrangea, will grow all the much better next year.

I better get back out there. The sun is hitting me in the eye sitting here on the south side of the house, and Kate might be dropping by with the little girls.

love you all

me

I worked in the garden yesterday. October 9

It has really gotten out of hand.

Overgrown, tangled, " stringy" no that's not the word..................spindly, that's it, spindly.

The task might be futile since the dried out seed pods with their tiny miniature seeds spilling into the decaying leaves will replant everything next spring.

But , it's going. I'm keeping only my roses, the Hydrangeas which have grown into a semi-privacy hedge. I'll keep the Baptista and other shrubs. Even most of the iris' and peonies are being pulled not so gently out of the dirt. The dirt which was flying around and stirring up bugs. The air was swimming with them. Mosquitos, flies, fruit flies, hover flies, yellow jackets, all kinds of flying insects getting in my face and biting me and their tiny little wings reflecting sunlight , the air was twinkling. I found Lots of long fat night crawlers , just about everywhere I dug.

I can't take care of it. And Keith always hated it. He likes little flowers in rows. So, since he is pretty much disgusted with me, I'm trying to do one thing his way. And that is to get rid of the mess in the yard.

Things might be better if I had a job. Of course I have no way of getting to a job. The truck is unreliable, the engine needs a valve job for $2500. and he is NOT going to spend that kind of money. We're not getting along on any level. There is NO intimacy of any kind between us and hasn't been for over 20 years. I've gotten used to it and accepted it and he's not happy with it all of a sudden.

I'm going to move on here , before I start in on the rant.

I've got some kind of cold or something, sore throat, productive cough, fever. Now Brenna has it too. I probably won't be babysitting tomorrow, Kate is going to check with Paul. he might not want me around the girls.

So today, I'll straighten out my room, and get back down to the demolition job. Tearing out 30 years of planting and weeding and cultivating. Its a different season in my life. It's winter.

Hi, again October 7

This is most of the slide show of where I spent the summer.

I just didn't have time to edit and title all the photos before posting them to flickr,

this will probably be a really long show but you might like to view some of them.

If you're bored .........um, well, if you're not already, watching this whole thing probably would make you bored. might help you get to sleep!


Anyway,

I'm working on shower photos too and will get those on a disc soon.

Love you guys.
:-)

The truck started this morning jarring me out of deep , dreamless sleep. September 28

I had the presence to look out the window down into the driveway at the two trucks sitting there, it was somewhat dark still, I think maybe the back light was on.

The garage roof is covered with leaves, the garden is a mess of tangled , dark, spent, foliage. And I wondered, where were the poodles? Where is Al going this morning.

You see, my subconscious brain woke up in Berry Creek.

I was annoyingly jarred awake again, tangled up, shivering in my quilt in spite of the 80 degree morning with 85% humidity. Jarred awake by the sound of an Airliner braking in its flight path to the airport not more than 40 miles from here. The know it all , 30something next door, yelling into her phone and whining loudly to her father, Sirens are blaring in a neighborhood close by. Dogs barking, traffic, oh and there goes the train across the street. Somewhere someone is running a power tool of some kind. Well why not, it was already 10 here.

And nothing looks familiar. I had forgotten my own room. I know I loved it, but it feels cluttered and closed in. And already feeling pressure that I have to be somewhere or doing something for someone before i even unpack or eat and i shouldn't be on the computer doing this. And I have to get dressed, no more wandering outside in my nightgown. I'm wasting time! everything is a mess, the mail is piled up, there is nothing but condiments in my fridge. NOTHING.

So I'm shutting down for now. Getting off of the computer. Keep my impressions to myself. for now.

I'm going to get dressed and walk down to see my dad whom I am certain is already wondering why I haven't called or wandered over. Hope the hell I can avoid contact with or have to engage in inane conversation with the neighbor, or that someone isn't going to start nagging at me to cut down my trees already.

bfn

Well, here it is September 26

My last day.

It sure went fast.


Yesterday it rained here all day. I kept busy cleaning up the house and washing the car and making pasta sauce. And Mary and Al came home. It was great seeing them.



Today I took one last hike around the property and did some proper catching up with Al and Mary.

I'm packed to go.

see you soon.
love mom/sal

September 24, pm

HI, glad to report that the young lady from Berry Creek who was lost on the PCT for the past couple of days has been found. And from the report I heard she is ok. But no other details are available.

I've been really busy, I planned on a "thank-you" dinner for the nice people in Berry Creek and i made pulled pork tacos and burritos. Home made salsa and bean salad and a cabbage salad. The mexican brown rice never made it to the table. As a few people canceled on me i had too much food. I also made a crisp using the pears, plums and blackberries that i picked yesterday. It was a good experiment.

Erin helped with all the dishes, well there are a few left but ill get to it in the morning.

It was windy and hot here today but cloudy and rain is predicted.

I'm tired now, thinking of cleaning everything up tomorrow and packing.

2 more days. Then a day of travel. I begin the journey on the 27th and get into Ct. on the 28th. Just after 12AM. I hear its raining in Ct. I have heard that for over a month.

I think it will take some adjustment.

September 24

I briefly mentioned meeting a lone hiker, standing by the Mill Creek Trail Head the day before yesterday. A young man with a big dog, maybe a mastiff. He had previously hiked 4 months from Mexico to just south of Yosemite. He told us his partner went missing, they had only been out for one day. He was waiting for a ride.

Well, I imagined he was talking about a buddy and that they probably had a plan to meet up somewhere if they got separated. I should never assume.

I didn't push the issue or question him about it. I probably should have.

It turns out that his hiking companion was a young 20 year old girl with no experience.

"They" are holding the hiker I spoke to and are searching the wilderness for her.

I didn't sleep last night. Thinking about her and how afraid she must have been spending two nights alone ......did she have water, a flashlight, fire? He was carrying a huge pack and hearing that she's just a tiny girl about 5" with only about 90# on her i wonder if she had a warm bag or if she was carrying any food.

I felt guilty for not having spoken to him longer and offered some kind of help.

Prayers for her and her family, send loving supportive thoughts.

talk to you soon

love

mom/sal

Did i mention Erin is here? September 23

She is spending my last week with me and we are flying out of Sacramento together in 4 days.

4 days? It hardly seems possible. I guess I got too comfortable and at home here. I mean I had to keep reminding myself, this is all Uncle Al and Mary's place. You are just a visitor. I,m so grateful to them. It seems. looking back, that over time, He has afforded me some of my greatest personal opportunities.

So I've tried keeping that in my consciousness . And tried not to abuse the privilege of being here. I have enjoyed working in the yard and gardens and keeping the house ( which was pretty easy to do only cleaning up after myself) I've been able to do some hiking and wandering and took lots of photos and was able to let go of some of the stress.

But........getting back to it......Erin is here. For only a week. We could just sit on the deck and hike the trail here on the property. But we're in the mountains. And exploring we did go. I had it in mind to take her up for a little ways on the PCT ( Pacific Crest Trail, if you don't know about that trail you can hike it from Mexico to Canada) and also to take her on the trail that goes the back side of Bucks Lake to go swimming and sunset on Bald Rock or some combination of those things. Heading up the hill though, she mentioned that she really wanted to go to Granite Basin, that the best time she had here and her favorite memory here was going to Granite Basin fishing with Uncle Al.

Now, I've been asking people here all summer about Granite Basin and how to get there, and not one of them could tell me. Their reply is always the same, "Oh, there's too many roads back there, you don't know which way to go or what one to take. No one knows how to get there." But I have seen two signs, though quite a distance apart from each other, for Granite Basin. One sign reads 5 miles and one, further up the hill reads 3 miles. I opted for the 3 mile trip. It took me about 45 minutes to get to the bottom of the graveled road where there is a large parking area, a clearing, in the forest. We got out and hiked less than a quarter of a mile, through tall pine and granite rock, past a graveyard, there in the remote wilderness for miners and one that said "claim jumper" to the most lovely clean running creek over granite rocks you could imagine. Where you can see trout swimming around the rocks. This spot was not the Granite Basin that Erin had been to, nor the one that I had remembered from 35 years ago. This area was more closed in by the deep canyon, narrower and the hike though steep was shorter and cleaner. (not brushy) I had a little eerie feeling in there, and though I wanted to explore more downstream, and so did Erin I felt we shouldn't tarry there in that remote, isolated spot of the wilderness. And after turning back toward the trail did observe a stone shelter which I'm sure someone has been sleeping in.

Out of the basin we drove and up to Bucks Lake. Well, WOW. I sure wish I had taken Larry's advice earlier in the summer and hiked this easy and beautiful trail sooner , II surely would have done this at least once a week if I had. I can't even describe this to you without being able to post the photographs. Just think, National Geographic. Think of vast blankets of tall. cool. green ferns growing under towering firs, spruces, pines, and thick carpets of pine needles, the air fresh and crisp their fragrance mingling with the clean scent of the lake. Gooseberries and choke cherries and all kinds of berries and wild flowers growing along the trail and opening up to large slabs of granite hot from the sun from which you can dive into the clear water of the lake. We sat there on the rocks watching kayaks and small sail boats and little fishing boats floating around and hundreds of tiny little fish darted around the rocks on the edge of the water. Erin took a cold and refreshing swim.

OH Ilona and Dad, I just kept wishing you were here on this hike. I kept thinking of you and how you would have loved it. If I get this opportunity again, and can afford to do it, you are going to just have to come out. This is so beautiful. Kim too! You guys would appreciate it so much.

On the way in we spoke to a young backpacker who had just come off of the PCT, he was waiting for his ride. He told us that he had once hiked for 4 months from Mexico to just below Yosemite, He had hiked from March to June. On the way out we saw tracks of horses and deer that we hadn't seen on the way in. Bucks Lake, much less isolated than Granite Basin.

On the way back down we could catch glimpses of the western horizon in all its glowing red, orange, gold and violet evening sunlight.

I suggested going up Bald Rock for the Sunset but by the time we got there it was dark. And we were pretty hungry. At home we had a nice dinner, shared a new potato ( from one of Larry's friends, it was just dug) and Erin went out with the flashlight and picked some tomatoes and I had thawed out some stuffed zucchini that I made a few weeks ago. It was a veggie feast and then we went to watch some television and crashed.

Today, I'm going to work around the yard and we are going to wash the car and take in that sunset on Bald Rock. I've got to delete some photos off of the camera though. I keep filling the card! And then I have to go back and delete shots that aren't the best. I'm planning on making salsa today too. I've picked a basketful of peppers and tomatoes already this morning.

Have a nice day.

love

mom/sal

Well, not much to say lately. September 21

I'm staying off the computer more.

Not ready to say goodbye to California and am spending as much time as possible outside.

Been playing with the leaf blower, raking the lawn and pulling up some columbines that are choking the Japanese Maples.

Wish I knew how to use these bunches of purple/blue grapes which have suddenly ripened all at once along with all those grapes and pears. I think I will check for a recipe for pear butter...... And today will be tomato roasting time again the processing does shrink them up alot but it draws up the sweetness of them.

Yesterday, I went to Sacramento to pick up Erin. I left around 10, her flight was due in at 12:30. The airport is a mess. All dug up and red cones everywhere directing traffic. difficult to get in and out of lanes. And there were several spots of road work on the way down.

When I got to the terminal, finally, after finding a spot at the very end of the parking lot so I could be in the shade, I turned on my phone, there was full power there, and a text from Erin that said "the plane is broken, just" yeah, that was it. She was delayed for an hour and a half , I grabbed a magazine from the newsstand and sat to wait.
She was the last one down the escalator, looking lovely and excited to be here.

On the way out of the airport I missed my ramp to Sacramento, I was in the wrong lane and ended up going north toward Redding on 5. Had the sense to turn around by the time I got to Woodward and went back past the airport and onto 99. There was a lot of traffic by the time we got headed towards Marysville which itself was bumper to bumper. A stop in Oroville for a few groceries and a great burger at Mike's Grande Burger, gassed up the car and made it into the driveway by 6:30......a long day.

After unloading the car and Erin settling in a little, putting away the groceries, we took a walk in the garden and down to the pond. It was already getting deep into dusk. We watched a movie that she brought with her. I guess we finally were both tucked in by 1.

Squirrels are outside making a lot of chatter, the meadow is flooded with golden light and the hummingbird is here on the feeder. For breakfast I will go outside in my nightgown and sample, grapes, plums, pears, tomatoes....right off the vines and trees.

I'm debating driving back down to get some toothpaste. OR just to walk to the store.

love you guys,
see you soon
mom/sal

Well, i just forced my achey old self out of the bed September 17

where I'd been lying awake , trembling and shivering despite the pile of quilts and comforters covering me in that little cozy womb of a room just off of the kitchen. Still quite dark in there at 6:30 where i groggily sleepily woke. OH Man, how am i going to get back into East Coast time zone?

I threw on my sweatshirt and warm socks over my pj's and went to stand on the porch. I can tell it's not cold out....but fall has definitely arrived.

I have a busy day planned for myself. The cedar tree is shedding sticky sappy pods and needles in "abundency" ( i think i might have just made that word up) all over the deck and the wind has whipped up a blanket of oak leaves all over the back yard. So, I'll be revving up the leaf blower at a more reasonable time.

Tonight I'm going to Linda and Kim's for BBQ and plan on arriving with a bag full of plums and pears for them. Yesterday I picked enough tomatoes to cover the bottom of a large rectangular clothes basket , much more than i could eat before they go bad so will be roasting them and jarring them up in olive oil and garlic and basil....Mary and Al can use them to spread on toast or in salads or cook them into sauce or use in salsa.

I vacuumed out the car as much as possible before the charge ran down so I'll finish that today and, I want to wash the floors in the house too.

The pit bull was here yesterday, and the little cat. She's small, she's always hunting and in for a big surprise when Burke and Sully come home in about a week. I've tried shusshing her away she runs about ten feet then stops and looks at me and cries. Really I don't know why I keep thinking its a she, maybe because she's so tiny.

The dog on the other hand is definitely, dangerously ( for him) male. Whoever owns him is not taking care of having him fixed so he'll stop roaming and also not fixing his bum back leg/hip. He appeared in the meadow when I went to the orchard. I do a lap every day, the garden, the orchard the pond and the path. Well he came galloping toward me grinning from one flapping ear to the other, tongue hanging out , powerful, joyously and goofy as a young dog can be. As I walked through the meadow toward the pond he ran great big loops around me, and followed me to the pond where he took a swim and then ran back and forth from one side to the other thundering across the deck till he stopped and rolled over on his back exposing his stomach to me. I like him. And felt shitty to leave him with a pat on the head on the outside of the gate. But he's got to go home. He must have one. He's in great condition other than the leg and obeys commands. Sometimes if I come up the driveway I see him in the rear view mirror bolting out of Sue's yard where he must play with her little dogs and following me into the yard. Last week I thought I had "gotten rid of him" (for lack of a better way of putting it). I walked him to the store and left him there, hoping his owner or someone who knows him or wanted him would take him home.

Erin will be here Tuesday. So I'm saving my Bald Rock hike till she's here. Maybe we will go to Buck's Lake too and try to find that trail that goes round the lake. I'd like to bring her to the farmer's market on Saturday if it's still running. And make taco's for Larry and the Bybee's and the Sykes who have all been so nice to me this summer. Wish I could think of something for Lisa and Porky, but they have everything! I just thought, you know, they're always helping people out and wish I could do something for them. Without charge you know.

Well, its 8. the Garden and the Pond are calling me. I poured a little plaster into a print by the pond yesterday. I never did that before so im not sure if i did it right. a wide print with 4 big round toes then a high arch or space between the ball and the back heel. No claws. So I don't think it was a bear. Maybe a dog in the soft mud. But anyway, I'm hoping the plaster comes out and I'll tell Fran its a big foot print..... ...... ( hehehehhehehehehe) sometimes I do practical jokes.

hey I think I hear a truck in the driveway. gonna run.

Love and miss ya
mom/sal

Up and out of bed around 6am, September 10

while the light was still dim. Just before dawn.

Put away the dishes that dried overnight in the rack by the sink and decided to pick some fruit to bring to Fran. I threw on my mumu and sneakers and grabbed a box and walked briskly out there to the orchard. Six pears and oodles of french plums thumped into the bottom of the box when i turned around to see a glowing shaft of deep coral light streaking across the yellow grass and wild flowers at the bottom of the meadow. Should i get the camera? No, the light changes too fast, there just wasn't time..... I ran down to the bottom of the hill in time to see a bright red sunrise come up over the break in the trees..........the only word that comes to mind is glorious. I watched it till it turned from red to orange to yellow and white , squinting into the east.

Turning back up the hill and had only walked a few steps before a cool, mountain breeze blew across my back lifting my hair and the skirt of the mumu.

Then went into the garden and picked 3 peppers and a big tomato. It will be a nice gift box of produce for my friend Fran.

I'll see you soon.
love
mom/sal

Forgot to mention ......

Have tons of vegetables now, so planning on roasting a bunch.

I've got a whole variety of eggplants from Lisa and two from this garden here.

Long green ones, small black ones, big purple ones, and a round white one. They're sitting in the glass baking dish , peeled, sliced and salted I'll rinse them off and roast them till soft. When you have more eggplant than you can eat here is a great way to use them.

Put them in the food processor ( or blender or if soft enough you can just put them in a bowl and whip them with a fork) so, you've got them in the processor, squeeze a little bit of lemon in there, a chunk or two of garlic but a couple cloves of roasted garlic is good too, and salt, pepper and cumin to taste. It's great as a dip or as a burrito filling.

With all those tomatoes and peppers and the cucumbers I'm going to make another batch of gazpacho, which can be turned into sauce if I end up with too much.

I'll roast the bell peppers too, and then stuff them with rice and corn and onion.

And I'ill also prepare the big monster zucchini, by slicing 4 inch pieces and scooping out the seeds making "cups" which can be stuffed with ratatouille or with any kind of stuffing.

I'm going to try to dry the figs ........

but I am really transfixed by this wind........it is calling me to be outside.

xo will write again soon I'm sure.

sal/mom

I had to write; September 9

even though it's only 7 am and not much has happened since I shut down the computer last night and slept snug and cozy in the little spare bedroom in spite of the deafening chorus of crickets....( there must be millions of them , they are so loud, sometimes they even drown out the volume on the television)

Again, I woke at 4:30 and this time just rolled over and went back to sleep till just before 6 when a new sound nudged at my consciousness .... twigs snapping? Something brushing against the siding under the windows? I sleepily listened, comfortable there wrapped in the quilt. There was something different. It wasn't exactly quiet. I could hear waves of wind high in the tops of the pines. I went outside. I stood on the porch listening. Peepers singing somewhere .....and that wind. I went into the garden. I stood on the platform, slices of a large tree about i don't know, maybe 8 inches high that i have to use to reach the clothesline......

I stood there in my nightgown.. experiencing hot , dry, wind, rushing by and an otherwise eerie quiet. I can see pink sunrise through the trees towards the east. I wished I had gotten out of bed earlier and hiked to Bald Rock to see it.

Now from the office balcony where I'd just stepped out to watch the oak leaves spinning and trembling on their stems , while others are floating, spiraling downward toward the yard, the cedar boughs waving , swaying, gracefully and a few small birds fought their way across the clearing against the wind. The light shinning through the forest down onto the meadow is pinkish gold.

And it's hot, already hot. Streaks of high, dotty, clouds are moving in from the North and East.

Something has changed. It's a new season. And the wind is picking up.

I'll write more later. My plan today is, well, I admit, I left dishes soaking in the sink last night so first I've got to clean them up. And I want to , yes, once again, organize my stuff..... And I think I will wash the floor.

Hope to talk to you soon.

xo Mom/Sal/Tomato