Sometimes I just rant October 12

On and on because I'm so upset there is no other way for me to deal with it. I have to put it all down, to try and express my anger, frustration, sadness to someone.

sometimes i am accused of ranting when I'm not. I usually don't talk much so when I have a lot to say on one subject it gets taken the wrong way.

sometimes im just so stressed, and I realize that there is no viable solution to the problem I just shut down and can't say or write about anything

Sometimes you just know, nobody wants to hear it.

Sometimes my activity is so boring , tedious, hum-drum I figure, why bother.

Im here in Connecticut now. at my own desk, in my own office. I'd say the temp. is pleasant. Its a cool 56. The air is still. I hear birds, chirping here in the branches of the pear tree just outside my window, and those who are scrambling about inside the aluminum siding. There is a piece of aluminum missing on the corner of the house, on each corner, and the birds have colonized the inside between the old wood clapboards and the aluminum.

The western sky is dark, it's going to rain today.

There is so much to do here. The house is in total disrepair, the yard an overgrown and tangled mess. I can't remember the last time I washed windows. The old wallpaper that was painted over 20 times in the living room has been partly scraped and peeled off. And there is too much stuff. Too much in the leaky attic, too much in every room up here in the second floor apartment where I sleep and keep my computer, too much in the basement and the garage. And I can't make decisions about it since I don't consider most of it my stuff. Whatever, right?

I have a few chores, everyday chores to tend to. And then I'm going to assist Joanie, my elderly friend who has broken her arm. Marie and Lucien are going to South Meriden so ill hitch a ride over with them and hopefully walk back. Tomorrow I'm going to try and drive the truck to Kate's. Keith said it will "probably make it" .

I've got the sunny border garden and the front bed pulled up now. I left the roses. a couple peonies. and there are a couple of "root systems" that i haven't been able to dig up but will tackle after the rain stops in a few days. it should make it easier to pull out. I started to prune the Oak Leaf Hydrangea pretty hard. I like working in the garden. I also started in the terraces in the back with the clippers, cutting down the old leaves of the different iris, crocosmia, peonies, hostas, phlox and lilies. I ran out of daylight before i could rake them up.

I'm looking forward to seeing the little girls tomorrow. And hope to see the little boys soon too. They're all beautiful kids. With great parents. They're smart and happy too.

Well, the sun is peeking through the leaves, I can see it brightly reflecting off of the face of the factory down the street. Perfect light now to get out with the camera. I'll have to branch out and learn to take " city" photos now.

Almost Fall here...........I wait daily to see if the leaves have turned and i think i actually see a fading of the green to yellow on a few of them.

love and miss you

sally

The demolition continues.

And its record breaking heat, smothering humid heat out there . But it's got to be done, and after all since I've been the one to plant most of that stuff, ( the birds also helped), I'm the one to take it out.

I admit the stuff I've pulled out will already fill the back of the pickup truck. And it looks better and what I am leaving, roses, hydrangea, will grow all the much better next year.

I better get back out there. The sun is hitting me in the eye sitting here on the south side of the house, and Kate might be dropping by with the little girls.

love you all

me

I worked in the garden yesterday. October 9

It has really gotten out of hand.

Overgrown, tangled, " stringy" no that's not the word..................spindly, that's it, spindly.

The task might be futile since the dried out seed pods with their tiny miniature seeds spilling into the decaying leaves will replant everything next spring.

But , it's going. I'm keeping only my roses, the Hydrangeas which have grown into a semi-privacy hedge. I'll keep the Baptista and other shrubs. Even most of the iris' and peonies are being pulled not so gently out of the dirt. The dirt which was flying around and stirring up bugs. The air was swimming with them. Mosquitos, flies, fruit flies, hover flies, yellow jackets, all kinds of flying insects getting in my face and biting me and their tiny little wings reflecting sunlight , the air was twinkling. I found Lots of long fat night crawlers , just about everywhere I dug.

I can't take care of it. And Keith always hated it. He likes little flowers in rows. So, since he is pretty much disgusted with me, I'm trying to do one thing his way. And that is to get rid of the mess in the yard.

Things might be better if I had a job. Of course I have no way of getting to a job. The truck is unreliable, the engine needs a valve job for $2500. and he is NOT going to spend that kind of money. We're not getting along on any level. There is NO intimacy of any kind between us and hasn't been for over 20 years. I've gotten used to it and accepted it and he's not happy with it all of a sudden.

I'm going to move on here , before I start in on the rant.

I've got some kind of cold or something, sore throat, productive cough, fever. Now Brenna has it too. I probably won't be babysitting tomorrow, Kate is going to check with Paul. he might not want me around the girls.

So today, I'll straighten out my room, and get back down to the demolition job. Tearing out 30 years of planting and weeding and cultivating. Its a different season in my life. It's winter.

Hi, again October 7

This is most of the slide show of where I spent the summer.

I just didn't have time to edit and title all the photos before posting them to flickr,

this will probably be a really long show but you might like to view some of them.

If you're bored .........um, well, if you're not already, watching this whole thing probably would make you bored. might help you get to sleep!


Anyway,

I'm working on shower photos too and will get those on a disc soon.

Love you guys.
:-)